By HELEN T. GRAY
The Kansas City Star
Many people in religious circles say it’s one of the biggest problems
facing families and congregations.
Yet:
•It can go undetected.
•It has no outward signs.
•It is barely discussed.
The culprit? Pornography.
The Rev. Steven Showalter of Pure Morality Ministries calls it "the
silent killer" in the church. "There are individuals in our churches who
struggle with porn every day," he said. "They may be the piano player, the
Sunday school teacher, the youth pastor and maybe even the pastor.
"Pornography is much like carbon monoxide. Both are virtually
undetectable, and both kill."
Consider these statistics:
•Fifty percent of all Christian men and 20 percent of all Christian women
are addicted to pornography, according to a 2006 poll by ChristiaNet.
•Thirty-three percent of pastors and 36 percent of laity admitted
visiting a sexually explicit Web site, according to research published in
2006 by Christianity Today.
•Fifty-seven percent of pastors said pornography was the most damaging
sexual issue affecting their congregations, and 36 percent of congregants
said it was the most damaging sexual issue affecting them personally,
according to a 2005 survey published by Christianity Today International.
The two area Catholic bishops who are leading their dioceses in major
anti-pornography campaigns say pornography is an attack on God’s gift of
sexuality, on human dignity and on marriages and families.
"When our sexuality is misused and trivialized, as it is so often in our
culture, it becomes a destructive force that causes worry, anxiety, a sense
of being used and abused," said Archbishop Joseph F. Naumann of the
Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas.
Pornography is an easy problem to hide, Showalter said. One reason is its
easy access on the Internet.
"What used to be behind the counter now is on the Internet and cable
television and handheld devices like iPods and cell phones," said Phillip
Cosby, executive director of the Kansas City office of the National
Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families.
It used to be that some people had Playboy in their homes, said
the Rev. Ken Lightcap, pastor of Nall Avenue Church of the Nazarene in
Prairie Village.
"Then the Internet hit," he said. "So everyone lives with a virtual box
of Playboys in their house, and the Internet is not going
anywhere."
Religious faith does not exempt a person from struggling with
pornography. If anything, a person’s faith often creates another problem,
that of guilt or shame.
"The Bible says God created the man and woman and they were naked and not
ashamed," Lightcap said. "Pornography introduces shame."
Looking lustfully at a person offends God, said Richard Land, president
of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics and Religious Liberty
Commission, who calls pornography "Satan’s corruption of God’s design for us
as sexual beings."
He said Jesus warns against the subtle dangers of pornography in Matthew
5:28: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already
committed adultery with her in his heart."
"Our sexuality is to be constrained by and conducted within the confines
of a marriage relationship that honors God," Land said. "Anything else is an
affront to God and a short step to the destruction of your family and your
marriage."
Lightcap believes that pornography is the greatest spiritual problem in
men’s lives.
"It makes them live with a level of guilt and spiritual reticence," he
said. "Men don’t live with a vibrancy in their faith. It affects their
ability to pray, to serve God and their community, to work in the church and
to take the message into the world."
And pornography can create a crisis of faith when "because of the nature
of sin, it is not easy to break out of," said David Wilson, general
secretary of the Church of the Nazarene.
"It may then become an issue of ‘God, why aren’t you doing something? Why
aren’t you helping me with this?’ " he said.
Cosby said many men are silently suffering in the pews because, while
some churches are tackling the issue, not as much of the Christian community
is addressing it as it should. Meanwhile, he said, "a tsunami is hitting our
community."
But often it is not easy to bring the problem into the open in a
religious setting.
"People will stand up in a congregation and say, ‘Pray for me for smoking
or gambling problems,’ but if you say, ‘Hold up your hands if you are
struggling with sexual issues,’ that’s not going to happen," Cosby said. "If
you announce a class on this, that will be an empty classroom."
Promise Keepers seems to have greater success in encouraging men to come
forward at its large stadium and arena conferences.
Dan Seaborn, a frequent Promise Keepers speaker, said he has asked men to
come forward if they are struggling with pornography and other sexual sins.
"There’s an amazing response," he said. "There’s a willingness and
desire. They’re saying, ‘I want to clean this area of my life. I want
freedom and release from this.’ "
For women addicted to sexually explicit romance novels, which Seaborn
calls "women’s porn," these create unrealistic expectations of what they
desire in a partner. Unrealistic expectations are even more so among men
regarding women partners because of the larger numbers of men addicted to
pornography, he said.
"I’m real with guys," he said. "I tell them what they’re seeing is fake.
Those women are getting paid.
"Then I tell them, ‘If you give your wife a million dollars, you have no
idea what she might do,’ " he said with a laugh.
Gradually churches in the last five years have started to deal with the
pornography problem, Showalter said.
"Many pastors did not want to touch it because it was such a taboo
subject," he said. "Now thankfully that has changed."
For example, a year ago Lightcap delivered two sermons on the topic. He
started with this warning: "Children’s church is down the hall. What I’m
about to say is not to be rated ‘R’ but probably ‘PG-13.’ "
"Thirty years ago when I went into ministry, I never dreamed the things
I’d have to say in the pulpit," he said.
Showalter said another step forward is the increasing frequency that
men’s conferences and groups regularly discuss pornography.
A "Men of Valor" conference in January in Kansas City attracted about 600
men — half Protestants and half Catholics.
"It dealt with sexual purity and also dealt with pornography," said Cosby
of the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, one
of the sponsors.
The coalition has a help line number, 800-583-2964, and its Web site
provides links to organizations and programs that offer information and help
to people or family members who are addicted to pornography.
Information about pornography is prevalent on the Internet, and there are
increasing numbers of Christian ministries dealing with the problem.
Many denominations, such as the United Methodist Church, the Christian
Church (Disciples of Christ), the Southern Baptist Convention and the
Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), have adopted resolutions and statements
opposing pornography and affirming God’s view of human sexuality.
Also, for example, the United Methodist resolution calls upon its local
churches, agencies and regional bodies to take actions that include
educating congregations about pornography and participating in efforts to
ban child pornography and protect child victims.
On the local level, a scattering of churches throughout the area are
attempting to address the problem by offering recovery programs and support
groups mostly for men addicted to pornography.
Laurie Fugate of Vineyard Christian Fellowship in Overland Park, who
leads two groups for wives of men addicted to sex and pornography, and her
husband, Steve, who leads two groups of men with these problems, want to see
similar groups in every section of the area "because the problem is huge,"
she said.
For many men, confidentiality is important.
"Pastors of other churches refer people, so they have anonymity at this
church since it isn’t their church," said the Rev. Clark Armstrong, pastor
of Victory Hills, where eight to 10 men meet weekly.
"Pornography can be a problem among clergy, and they have no one to whom
they can turn," said the Rev. Jeren Rowell, Kansas City district
superintendent for the Nazarene Church. "So the district is trying to
develop a process, like an annual checkup, that would identify areas
(including pornography) where clergy need help, and they would be able to
get help confidentially."
Seaborn, who is president of Winning at Home ministry, said the best help
congregations can offer is to provide an accountability partner to each
person with a pornography problem. The partner would help the person keep
his commitment to stay away from Internet sites, magazines, videos and other
places where pornography is found.
Even though some congregations are doing something to help people
addicted to pornography, much more needs to be done, Cosby said.
"There’s still a lot of denial about how deep the problem is," he said.
"Meanwhile people are suffering silently."
