(All scripture references are from the King
James Version unless noted otherwise.)
"I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate
the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me" (Psalm 101:3).
There are two keys to overcoming porn. First, one must
have the unwavering desire to be victorious over it. Secondly, they must
have the knowledge on how to do so. Most have the desire to defeat it, but
they just do not know what to do.
So, just why is porn so difficult to conquer? The power
of any sexual addiction resides in its secrecy. As long as the problem is a
secret, it cannot be overcome. This occurs because of the immense fear that
overtakes you. Let us remember that God is not the author of fear. "For God
hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a
sound mind" (II Timothy 1:7). If you are fearful, it can only come from one
source, the enemy.
A person can can pray, fast, study the Word of God and
still have this problem. If you are not doing these things, rest assured,
you will fail. However, doing these things is not enough. Remember that
bondage to pornography preys on natural desires. The primary reason it is
difficult to let go is because it is difficult to talk about. If you cannot
talk about your porn problem, you will not overcome it. Breaking the
secrecy is absolutely vital.
If you truly want out of pornography, you MUST find
someone you can confide in. As long as you carry the burden hidden inside
you, you will struggle. When you are finally able to open up and confide in
another man, you will feel a huge relief. You are not throwing this off on
another person, but you are adding someone to fight with and for you. This
person will be your accountability partner. Outside of prayer, personal
Bible study, and fasting, this is the most important things you can do.
Now for a few words of caution. Men, DO NOT use your
wife as your accountability partner. This will put an undue burden and
stress on her. She will not understand the problem like another man will. It
is advisable to wait until after you have started talking with your
accountability partner to tell your wife. She does need to know of your
struggle. She is your helpmate. If you are frightened about telling her,
have her read the book
Every Man’s Battle. It is written in a manner that will help women
understand the battle men face. This will open the door for you to talk to
her. But, you MUST do so.
The next word of caution is make sure the man you have
chosen to be your accountability partner has a personal relationship with
Jesus Christ. It will do you no good if that man does not pray, attend
church, or lives in sin. Also, make sure this man is trustworthy, and knows
and understands the meaning of the word confidentiality. If this man is a
walking newspaper, do not share your problems with him. They will be
broadcast to the ends of the earth before you get home.
This is a good time to insert biblical instruction to all
men. Galatians 6:1-2 says, "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye
which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness;
considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's
burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." Let us be quick to forgive and
restore instead of being quick to judge and scoff. If we put this to
practice, men will be more willing to open up about their problems. We must
be compassionate and willing to help those who are struggling and wounded.
Jesus was quick to forgive and restore, even while on the cross.
The next thing you must do, even though it may be
inconvenient, is place your computer in an area where anyone can see what
you are doing. If your wife or children can see what you see, you will be
less likely to view porn. If you can live without internet access,
live without it. It is better to do without internet, DVD's, video,
etc., and live victoriously, than to allow them in your home and have them
cause temptation and problems.
"Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them
off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt
or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into
everlasting fire. And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast
it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather
than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire" (Matthew 18:8-9).
When your wife and children go to bed, go to bed. Don’t
stay up longer than the rest of the family. It is easy to give some excuse
as to why you NEED to stay up. "I have to study," or "I’m not tired." You
know full well why you are staying up. That must change. Your accountability
partner needs to be made aware of all your "excuses" and habits.
Place an internet filter on your computer. They are very
reasonably priced. Some are even free. However, do not place all your hopes
and trust on the filter. Understand they are not completely fool proof. With
new websites coming online everyday, some may not be blocked right away.
Also, let your wife or accountability partner set the account password so that you cannot disable the
filter on a whim. The United Pentecostal Church International has teamed up
with the creators of the Bsafe filter. Information for this filter can be
found at Bsafe Online.
If at this point you have made no progress or feel like
improvement is not being made, seeking the assistance of a professional
counselor may be necessary.
Now it’s time for the next step. This one takes training
and practice. Think of this like military boot camp. When a new recruit
arrives for boot camp, the drill instructor doesn’t just say, "Okay. Here is
your weapon. Here is your ammo. Now, go fight." The recruits train for
several months in order to know how to properly care for and use their
weapon. They must learn discipline. They must learn to obey the orders of
their drill instructor. Their training is intense. This is so when they are
called upon to go and fight, they will know how to do so.
In most cases, they are not immediately called to battle.
They are stationed at a base or on a ship and are ready to fight at a
moments notice. This is why our military is called our Department of
Defense. All around the United States and the world, our military has bases
and ships that are on constant alert. Should an attack or assault be made
upon the United States or its interests, the military swings into action.
Military aircraft sit on the tarmac just waiting to be scrambled to defend
our country.
Our battle must be fought the same way. Instead of being
reactionary, we need to be ready in advance. Our sword must be sharpened and
tested before temptation arises. How do we do this? Psalm 119:11 says, "Thy
word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee." Memorize
scriptures that deal with the specific area of concern in order to defeat
the enemy. Nothing works better than the Word of God. You must have the
scriptures memorized before the temptation comes along. When it arises,
begin to quote those scriptures. I would suggest you use two or three key
verses. You don’t want to be stuck in battle trying to remember seven or
eight verses. They need to be focused verses. For example, when faced with
temptation, quoting Genesis 1:1 just isn’t going to cut it. When Jesus was
tempted He used one verse that was straight and to the point for each of His
temptations.
A soldier only uses one weapon at a time. If an assault
rifle fails to stop the enemy, they call for something bigger. It continues
to escalate until the enemy is defeated.
Several verses that will work are:
"I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the
work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me" (Psalm 101:3).
"Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate,
saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you" (II
Corinthians 6:17).
"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to
lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart"
(Matthew 5:28).
"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at
a girl" (Job 31:1, NIV).
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things
are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good
report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these
things" (Philippians 4:8).
A person will never truly be free until he "cleans" his
house and heart of all unholiness. For example, ungodly videos, music, and
books. They may not directly affect your addiction to pornography, but sin
is sin, and sin is bondage. An easy way to know if something is a problem is
to ask, "Would Jesus approve of or participate in this?" We are required to
turn away from sin. We must put away our strange gods just like Jacob did
(Genesis 35:2). Has God told you to remove anything from your life? Until
YOU remove it, you will struggle with sin. We are not waiting on God to act,
He is waiting on us. When you do what God expects you to do, He will do His
part. Total repentance is a prerequisite for revival. (See II Chronicles
7:14).
Pornography can be defeated. However, NEVER make the
mistake of thinking that you have it made. In other words, God may set you
free, but if you think that you are no longer capable of falling to
pornography again, you are destined to fall.
The information on this page is just a start. There is
more you must learn, however, it is impossible for this website to tell you
every thing you need to know. Study is required on your part. Read the
book
Every Man's Battle or a similar book. It will give you
pointers to fight your battle.
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